feeling lost

sigh lately i've been looking at my life as being very gloomy...
how can i be back to optimistic if keeps on like that?
is torturing...
even a crave for wedges enough to make my life gloomy...
when i tot of next month...
i really feel scared, worried and fear..
been using money lately...
there were just lil income but more cashflow...
wonder how am i gonna survive...
the pressure i have towards the cheer competition is soo big just like the time im anticipating my exam results...
i fear...i have so much commitment that i need to make and done...
i really need to get champion...
lately everything seems so wrong..what i can do all balls down to failure...
haihz...really wanna cry after all the hard work...
just like my exams again...
and and and...
there's so many "special" day coming up...
i feel even more tense...
i want to feel less of "urgh" and stop getting more n more "urgh" from people...
i dont wanna know that...ah this is soooooo bullshit i dotn know what im trying to say...
im getting insane...
ahhh! i realized it all linked together...how can this be happening to me?
rite now what im sure about is noone know how i feel...
no1 can stand at my place and feel it...
and i dont know how to tell you how i feel..
it just...i just want just 1 thing...comfort and calm...
but i dont know how, where and what to gain that...