Scribbles

Recently, i've been so stress and moody.
Seriously i wish i can just sleep the whole day without even care what is going on or being disturbed by anyone.
only at this time, i could feel myself survive even if i'm all by myself or alone.

i understand most of you went through your finals (as in education) and perhaps all r trying to tell me that it'll be alright.
despite myself being a pessimistic especially at this time around, i did not work my best to solve my problem.
all i can think of in my brain is "what if..."
i know myself is pathetic enough now coz all i do is whine whine whine!!

and yes, i think by doing so i'll feel better.

This semester is soooooo tough that on one hand i feel i'm blessed coz i give up Actuarial Science, on the other hand , i took something that is not any better too. just maybe just a tad better than Actuarial.

normally, visiting lecturer to me is a good sign and i dont mind not attending their class if those lecturer sucks. but this time, i attend and Oh LORD HELP ME... since the beginning of the semester, lecturer already telling us how tough this course is bla bla bla...everything is bad, tough, hard, fail...every single subject. WHY do this to me at this final stage of my education...really i can't accept failure anymore because it kills me. Once the visting lecturer come, they make me even worse because by then u know what r they assessing us in exam. and once again *PLEASE HELP ME MY HOLY FATHER* they proven me that the exam is nothing i've attempted before. now i wish 1 day have 48hours for me to do everything i could.

i've limited time...
seriously maybe 2 months...

i doubt i have any hope.

sometimes i c those ppl so chilling, i will think too myself, why so serious?
but the fact is, i take this rather seriously and please don't joke with me coz i'll get pissed and no, i wont fight with u but i will keep silent because i hate you. i hate u r stupid, i hate u r smart, i hate everythingggggggggg

right now my feeling is:
this is my last hope, last chance, and i mustttttttt pass....
but the outcome is not favourable to me at all!
so what am i gonna do ? still hoping though...thatz all..hope......
i want this sooooooooo badly more than GUCCI, SALVATORE, YSL...
and again "what if?"
sighhhhhhhhhh

sometimes i wish ppl could really be understandable to me and respect me for being serious.
sometimes i wish ppl will care for my emotion and feeling when i call them not to disturb me.
sometimes i wish ppl could understand that i'm not scolding them or any hard feeling for them for being moody and wanna be alone.